The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Randomize
