Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
