lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
