i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
