I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
