Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just threw up on my dentist
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
