He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
