Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
