I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
