He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
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