Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
