There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
