Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
