my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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