Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
