I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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