peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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