shes about as inviting as chlamydia
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
the day after is always just damage control
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
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