Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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