Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Randomize
