i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
