she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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