I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Randomize
