And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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