I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I could make wine with my vomit
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Randomize
