I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
