Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
