Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
