i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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