I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
