The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
