Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
