I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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