Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
