ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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