i wish there were pregnant emoticons
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
