oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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