just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
