Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
