This house was built for laser tag.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
