I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
