Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
