I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
