Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
