also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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