saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
