Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
