I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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