Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
