I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
