A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
