It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
