tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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