i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
