textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
