pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
